Sometimes, i think about shit that make me piss off. Like.. why do i care so much? why out of all them, you? why you? And i start to push everything away. I force myself not to feel, force myself to pretend. I've learn to better myself to act like as if, it didn't hurt, it didn't matter. The magic word is "Get use to it".. it's deadly but it made me the person i am today. I tolerate, over and over again. I shut myself out, time and time again. People around me, won't understand. And here i am, having hard time trying to open up.

I really wish, those whom i cared a lot would listen to me. I know what it's like, how fucked up it can be, there for i'm trying to be there for them, all i want is to see them smile and be happy.. I'm already as fucked as possible to wear, i'm tired of even trying. And people around me cry over shit that even doesn't matter. I wish i could tell you how heart broken when you lost something so precious, you'll never get them back.

I no longer want to care, i no longer will wanna give a fuck about it anymore. Its your life to control, not mine. They say time heals, everyone learn. I hope this will turn out good cause, i'm done, so done with everyone. I feel like i'm living in their past.. I want to move on, and not give a fuck. It doesn't matter anymore. At least to me. I'm no longer me, always trying and trying. No. i won't be that kind of person anymore, i'm laying myself down, taking everything slow, whatever goes, i'll keep on taking. Be it good or bad. I'll take everything and see what it'll bring me, what it'll lead me to.

So you can go and fuck yourself and be a sad piece of shit

Well, hello guys.... it's been pretty effing long, since i posted something. Anyway... I've been doing my school assignment, tons and tons of bullshit. Just joking. its not bullshit. HAHAHHA. but oh well. What do i have to blog... i would probably blog about what i'm doing in school most of the time..

Well... school isn't that fun, when you can't even make like what... 5 friends ? i made 2 from the previous ITE course, i know them, like duh, i remember their face. We get along pretty well, for the rest of the group i'm in, pretty much 1, 2 really give two fucks about me, the rest just gave me that dead look.. am i really that fuck up from the start of the school... ? I don't think so... it's been weeks, and i haven't really got to talk to some of them, i'm pretty tired.. sometimes. i tried being nice, i tried smiling, and what did i receive? BLANK STARES AND BLANK FACES, ok. good job.

I did wonder, should i care less about them.. but what if i do.. when i need help, no one's probably gonna help me out.. pretty sad and frustrated.. at the same time, i do not want to feel that way either.. but i can't help it. I'm sorry for how i look if i have that resting bitch face.. i can't help it, if i'm really not getting along, i want to.. but most of you scared the shit out of me..

Sigh. a part from that, i've pretty good decent and funny friends. hahahha. Also, homework, a lot of it.. i tried to finish it as soon as possible so i can get a rest on certain day.. I'm done with painting, 3 weeks of painting... like what the fuck. 3 weeks of drawing thumbnail with different expression; Beautiful, Tired, Excited & Aggressive. like c'mon man...... i wish i have more time to do.. 24 hours isn't enough.....

oh if i don't post anything up, click on my instagram, i post what i do and rant shit there most of the time, and i'm on snapchat too. snapchat @ debuxneko or _wxnjing. I don't know hahahhaa. my display picture is a green soft toy. ok i'm gonna sleep. if not i can't get any sleep.. Goodnight..